For Good Driving Karma

Ever notice anyone driving faster than you is crazy and anyone going slower is a moron...


If I had a nickel for every time someone ticked me off while driving, I wouldn't need a job.  (But then where would I find the time to add posts to my blog?!)  All safety concerns aside, think about how you feel when people pull this stuff! 


Extra life points to anyone who regularly doesn't commit the following "crimes" as I like to call it:


1. No courtesy wave.
I just let you go, the least you can do is smile and thank me with a proper wave.  Are you the same person who sits in a restaurant for an hour with not so much as a "thank you" or "please" to your server?  No manners!


2. No blinker usage.
I once was led to believe turn signals actually needed "fluid" to operate.  (Yes, I just fulfilled the stupid girl stereotype.)  Back in the day I could have easily dismissed this cruel action as someone needing to refill their blinker juice, but now that I know better I think these people are just asking to be hit or really enjoy confusing people.  Not magic, common sense.


3. Tailgating.
I don't want to incriminate myself, but I've been known to occasionally drive faster than the posted limit.  So tell me sir, how fast do you need to be going that your up my ass?  I like that you're at least smart enough to not let me see your license plate, because believe me I'm memorizing it and probably calling in a drunk driver! In the mean time, there are two lanes.  Use the other one.


4. Slow driving.
I'm not saying fly down residential streets!  What I'm proposing is that you at least travel the posted speed limit.  Trust me, engineers have done all their nerdy calculations to ensure that weather and road conditions permitting, you can travel at the posted speed.  These are not just numbers arbitrarily picked out of hat!  You may think you are being "safe" by driving slow, but you are now a dangerous obstacle that the rest of us need to maneuver around.  


5. Lane change blocker/ Merge denier.
Who died and made you captain of lane changing?  You didn't earn your position in that lane and sure as heck don't need to defend it.  Let me in dang it!  If you don't want to slow down or speed up to let me in, don't be a hog and stay in the right lane.  Do you get off to the idea of causing accidents?  Move left.  There- problem solved.


6. Impatient Red light Speed racer.
Really?  You just have to win the race from one red light to another?  Just because I don't treat green lights like the Pro start system at a drag race, doesn't mean I don't know what the long pedal on the right does. I will progress forward in a timely manner and don't need your impatient honk to remind me how to drive. Truthfully, I don't see the point in hurrying up to just slow down again, so why don't you take a lesson in patience and save some gas while we go at decent pace from one stop light to the next.

7. Music Sharer.
Obviously you love your music, so much so that you feel the need to share it with everyone.  I unfortunately, don't appreciate when I'm hungover riding in the car next to you and the vibrations of your music make me feel like throwing up.  Let's just get this out there: No amount of volume or bass is going to get you the kind of attention you are looking for.  Unless of course you're going for desperate.  For the record it is not a turn on, rather it's repulsive to see how much money you have put in the trunk of a car that sounds like it's rattling itself apart. 

If you know someone who does any of the above, let them know there are people like me out there that judge them and have no respect for their kind.

Office Etiquette that won't make people sick

If someone were to walk in my office they might be led to believe we are clean, neat, respectable people.  And they would be wrong.  What they don't know is that just because we work in an industry where brains are required, doesn't mean we use common sense...

Now, please, don't get me wrong.  I enjoy my co-workers fully.  But I'm not saying I haven't felt sick or angry when experiencing the following:

• Inner-office groomers.  I understand we all try to look our best.  But do you really not the time to clip your nails while at home?  Everyone can hear the sound of your crazy clipping, even if your door is closed.  The image of nails flying wildly around your office or cubicle does not amuse me.  And so help me, if I ever find a nail clipping from you on my desk again, I'm going to feed it to you.  I'm all for practicing good hygiene, but please, groom yourself at home.
• Stinky people.  Speaking of grooming... Try it!  Deodorant exists and it isn't that expensive. Use it.  That's all I'm saying.
• On the other hand, too much smell good isn't good.  We know you enjoy your perfume, but that doesn't mean the rest of us do... Leave something in the bottle...
• Germ Spreaders.  We already don't get along I'm guessing, but should you be standing at my desk and feel the need to cough or sneeze, do what your 'momma taught ya' and cover your mouth!!!  I have kleenex, ask for a couple or excuse yourself to another part of the building.  I may begin to like you again if you decide that after you've coughed up a lung you want to wash your hands.  (While we're on it... Wash your hands when you leave the restroom.  DUH!)
• Loud eaters.  I fully understand the need for a mid-afternoon snack of some candy or sunflower seeds, but my stomach turns every time I hear you crunch from across the room.  Can you not hear yourself???  If you are unsure if you are crazy cruncher try this simple test.  Chew on some sunflower seeds, or my personal favorite, jolly ranchers.  Now look around.  Has everyone with in a mile fled or put headphones on?  Verified, you are obnoxious.  FYI - gum chewers and 'poppers' fall in this category as well.
• Food thieves.  I live an hour from work, unlike most of you, I don't have the convenience to go home for lunch so to be frugal, I put some items in the fridge that should last me a while and enable me to eat here.  So I wonder, what make you think you are entitled to my purchases?  I could understand if you thought it was community food.  But I am the only person here named Kelly.  So what's your excuse now?  That's right, you don't have one.  I always bring in food to share, generally it's much yummier than my light balsamic vinaigrette dressing.  Keep your grimy, food thieving hands off my stuff! 
• Phone pests.  Ok, everyone has lives outside of the office (at least I hope) but the rest of us don't care about the drama with your second cousin from who-knows-where or what ever it is growing on your big toe...  Please remove yourself from the general area and carry that conversation on elsewhere.  Also, speaker phone + same room = WHY!?  Get off your lazy butt and go talk to the person.  Or simply pick up the phone.  The people not involved in the conversation all want to push you down the stairs for doing this multiple times a day.
• Signers.  I don't know sign language.  And clearly you don't either!  If I am on the phone or talking with someone else, just wait.  I don't know what kind of Helen Keller crap you're trying to pull, but you look ridiculous and are only irritating me. 
• Nebby-nosers.  (I can thank my grandma for that term.)  These are the people who no matter what they may or may not be working on are engrossed in other peoples business.  Seems like they are always there not only asking questions, but interjecting opinions when they aren't solicited.  My voice is lowered for a reason, don't come hover so you can hear what I am saying.  If it pertained to you, trust me, you would know about it.
• Whiners.  We all hate Mondays and love Fridays.  We would all prefer it to be sunny instead of snowing.  What's that? Your foot hurts?  You got no sleep last night?  You need a vacation? We are all in the same boat.  The only difference is we keep our mouths shut.  We don't want to hear you complain every chance you get.  Remember that story about the little boy who kept crying wolf?  Yep, that's you and no one cares what you have to say any more.
• Tattle-tales.  Just like in 2nd grade, no one liked the tattle-tale.  And those principals haven't changed.  We understand your dad owns the company, but we don't like it when we find out something we shared with you in confidence gets back to the boss.  You need to decide how you want to appear to people.  Right now, it's not looking good for you.

Good office etiquette isn't something that's unachievable.  Follow good common sense and courtesy and we will all be getting along just fine.

Allow Me to Introduce... Myself.

I figure I should start off with some basics.  First, in case you couldn't tell by the title this blog is not intended for the weak hearted.  Yes, I am likely going to pick apart something you do and you probably won't like it.  But guess what, no one else likes when you do it.  So we can call it even.


Second, I don't really care to "change" anyone.  All I ask is that you consciously think about what I'm taking the time to type about.  If you have an epiphany and something good comes from it - I don't need the credit.


Finally, I would like you to go back to your childhood and remember what your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, pastors, etc. (hopefully someone!) taught you about manners and having respect for others.  I believe it probably went something like, "Where are your manners???  Say Thank You."  I will go beyond just social etiquette and delve into whatever it is that has me wondering...Have you no class?